I'm going to admit right out front that I am not as savvy/informed/comfortable with the latest sex/gender labeling with which millennials can converse. Yes, I google and check Urban Dictionary, but I am very nervous about saying the wrong thing.
Luckily, my daughters have me covered. One was a Gender Studies major and the other one is the bride-to-be. They are very patient with me. As I was getting this blog going, I actually had the thought "does my daughter think of herself as a lesbian or as a queer?" (that's progress!) -- so I asked her. She readily said queer. Then my other daughter told me to use the language "my daughter, who is queer," rather than "queer daughter." Because it matters to some people, she said.
Apparently some think the "lesbian" moniker is a bit dated and therefore calls up cliches about women who love women. "Gay" is generic in a catch-all way, but it is typically reserved for men who love men. I personally like "queer" because it just means not straight. And if you agree that sexual orientation is on a continuum, as I do, then you can use "queer" and not have to get into the specifics. Unless you want to, of course.