I started this blog during the early stages of my daughter, who is queer, doing her wedding planning. I acquired a wedding etiquette book, because I care about things like etiquette, but I was horrified at the hetero-normativity of it. And if *I* couldn't relate to what the book was telling me ("consult with your future son-in-law," "the groom's parents pay for," etc.), how on earth could my daughter relate to it?
I am a proud feminist, and my own wedding was custom-built by my husband and me nearly forty years ago. We thought we were really deconstructing old wedding ways by writing our own vows (and many people agreed with us), but we also clung to tired tropes like my father "giving me away" and other things that now make me wonder what we were thinking when we did our planning.
A queer wedding presents an opportunity to open discussion about what elements really matter in this milestone event. I think that's refreshing. A queer wedding also opens the eyes of the straight, middle-aged mother about what the world can be like for her daughter as she just goes about the business of being herself in a world that still assumes everyone is heterosexual. I think this is an opportunity for me to learn and I'm bringing you along with me. As Bette Davis said in "All About Eve": "Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy ride." (Well. She actually said "night" so I'm paraphrasing. But you get the drift.)